And that’s where the trouble begins.
“I Want a Serious Relationship that Stands the Test of Time.”
Fair enough. But bringing that kind of thinking with you to the first date will make you a magnet for unrealistic expectations. It’s way too easy to attach larger-than-life expectations to what is “supposed to” happen when it comes to a first date. But if you hold onto these hoped-for outcomes too tightly — and the first date doesn’t live up to them — a fledgling relationship will not even get to first base.
To make sure YOU don’t go directly from first date to worst-date-ever …
Get Real About Your Expectations
Unrealistic Expectation 1: The first date is the beginning of the rest of our lives together.
Back the train up. While it is really intoxicating to think of the first date as the beginning of something spectacular, getting too attached to that thought before the date even begins can derail it from the get go.
Realistic Antidote 1
Be present in the date. No matter how tempting, don’t daydream about your next date, next month’s vacation together or where to have your destination style wedding or commitment ceremony.
Unrealistic Expectation 2: What you see is what you get.
If you met him online or through an app remember: guys are not replicas of their online profiles and pictures. When getting to know a guy online you likely form all sorts of impressions about him, and then begin to think of those impressions as facts, rather than hints. Often times those impressions are fueled by what you hope is true about him, rather than what is. If he doesn’t live up to the standards you created in your head, then you’ll likely find yourself disappointed. The real problem is that this particular unrealistic expectation can quickly ruin an opportunity to get to know the man in front of you.
Realistic Antidote 2
Repeat this mantra before your first date, “I know one version of this guy. I’m going to get to know another version of him on our first date.”
Unrealistic Expectation 3: I can’t believe that I’ve finally found Mr. Right!
Closely related to Expectation 2, when you’ve met someone online or through an app you may hope/believe that you’ve met Mr. Right. Only problem is you’ve not actually met him in person yet.
This expectation is borne out of a strong desire to find your Mr. Right, but you don’t have enough “data” about him to know if he’s Mr. Right – For – You — and vice versa.
Realistic Antidote 3
Figuring out whether you’ve met Mr. Right is something you’ll decide over the long term, so use the date to find out one or two things about him. That’s enough for date number one.
Unrealistic Expectation 4: A long first date is a good first date.
Wanting to spend a lot of time with a new guy who you really click with is perfectly natural and you should enjoy it when it happens.
However, planning for and scheduling anything longer than a quick 30-60 minute first date after a few rounds of emails can backfire. Seriously. It sets the bar way too high, and makes for having to fill up a lot of time given that you, he or both of you are probably experiencing first date jitters.
Realistic Antidote 4
Keep the first date short and sweet. Remember the primary goal of a first date is deciding whether you want a second date. That’s it.
Remember that tips for a happy relationship start with a successful first date: have fun and keep it real!
[...] get caught up in strong, drug-like emotions at the beginning of a relationship — even on the first date — and need a realistic way to look at our [...]