Anyone who has been part of the gay dating scene has probably wondered at least once: “Should I get more serious about this one?”We all tend to get caught up in strong, drug-like emotions at the beginning of a relationship — even on the first date — and need a realistic way to look at our expectations.
So let’s say …
You have been seeing a guy for a while and you think it might be time to move toward a more serious relationship. That’s great! Since it’s not easy to find a man with whom you click for more than a few weeks, he is worth some extra attention. Right?
What Do You Expect?
The Mythical Man
This would be the fantasy that most of us have (face it …) of finding a guy who is going to meet every one of our needs. In reality, no one guy is truly able to be everything. Accepting that fact is key to achieving a healthy and lasting relationship. Otherwise it is all too easy to end a good relationship in the hopes that the next one will be that mythical man.
Good Enough vs. Settling
Though it sounds much less romantic, get clear about the difference between “Good Enough” and “Settling.” If the guy you’re dating meets enough of your needs, measures up to enough of your partner criteria, and matches enough of your values and beliefs, he IS good enough. Though it doesn’t sound terribly exciting or sexy, at the end of the day it really is a good thing.
On the flip side, it’s important to recognize that most guys won’t fit into your Good Enough category. They may have many good qualities, but simply fall short of what you’re looking for in a long-term partner. In which case, it would be Settling to continue in a dating relationship. To avoid the relationship disasters that frequently result from Settling, try to maintain Good Enough expectations.
Mr. “He’ll Do For Now” vs. “Mr. Right”
Another thing to get clear about in gay relationships is the difference between Mr. He’ll Do For Now and Mr. Right. This distinction gets at that powerful energetic pull that is felt when we’re almost positive that we’ve found that long-awaited great guy. When we’re in that moment, it’s intoxicatingly painless to miscalculate and end up with Mr. He’ll Do For Now … again.
So take another look … at your expectations. Mr. Good Enough Just Might Be Mr. Right.
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